Title: With the Left Over You
Fandom: As The World Turns
Sia - Breathe Me
POV : Luke
"Look, it's really -- it's just nothing. It's so stupid," he shakes his head from side to side,
as if doing so would make his words the truth.
Jade shakes her own head in return, crossing her arms, saying,
"Mm-hmm. Yeah, your voice is doing that little thing it does when you're upset.
Why don't you tell me what's going on?"
She's right. And Luke kind of hates her for it. "It happened again."
"I've fallen for the wrong guy," his reply is coupled with a large sigh.
Bright Eyes - Land Locked Blues
POV : Luke
He feels uncomfortable when alone with Noah. As if his brain will spontaneously combust,
allowing him to do nothing but profess undying love to the darker haired boy.
"Look, I've got a lot of stuff I've got to do, so I was just going to hand you the pages and go."
A look of mingled confusion and disappointment flashes across Noah's face for a split second.
"Wait. You're not going to stay and watch?"
Yes, Luke decides, flight is my only option. "No, I'll be back. I'll see the finished product later."
"Luke, it's really great."
Somewhere inside his brain a fuse is dangerously close to being lit. He has to leave. Now. "I'll see ya."
Noah watches the other boy leave, utterly confused by him, "the guy can write -- but he is weird. He's always leaving."
Joshua Radin - The Fear You Won't Fall
"This is perfect. This is exactly what I need. This gives me time to get over my straight-boy crush on Noah.
Which is just exactly what I need. However, he doesn't even know that I'm alive.
Which is great I guess, because you know, it's pointless.
...The weird thing is -- the more I write and try to just focus all my feelings into that,
the harder it is for me to be around him.
I just get so self-conscious. Do you think there's a way that I can get over this?"
Elisa - Dancing
They're close. Very close. Skin to skin. Noah can feel his heavy breaths mixing with Luke's.
Can feel the breaths floating across his still damp chest. Lightning shoots up his spine and time stops.
Everything he's suppressed since he was twelve years old comes flooding back.
The longing to touch. To hold. To kiss and for once, to feel. The seconds could be years.
Wonderful, beautiful, terrifying years.
Maddie walks in and suddenly time is back.
And with a vengeance.
Everything is moving too fast, and he can't stop himself from doing--and saying--what he's about to.
His eyes dart back and forth from Maddie's face to somewhere over Luke's left ear.
He can't look him in the eye.
"Now that Maddie’s here, I just feel like taking her out, y'know? And you don't mind, do you?"
Tegan & Sara - Where Does the Good Go?
POV : Luke
"Look, you're not mad or anything, right? I mean, we're still friends?"
"Why would I be mad?"
"Because of the way I mess with your head."
"Really?," Luke's voice is filled with hurt and a fair amount of disbelief.
Aqualung - Easier to Lie
POV : Noah
Noah shifts from side to side. Perhaps it'll help him avoid thinking about what just happened.
It certainly helps him to avoid that pesky eye contact.
"Yeah, you're always so serious about everything -- you're always so serious about being -- y'know --
"Gay?" Luke offers, his voice biting, even at a near whisper.
"Yeah," Thankful he doesn't have to say the word himself.
"So... I thought this would be a good way to shake things up a bit. Y'know, lighten you up?"
His eyes hover around Luke's ear again. He'll break if their eyes meet. He just knows it.
A thousand little shattered pieces of his life, sprawled across the floor.
"Noah, you can say whatever you want to say, but we both know what happened."
Fiona Apple - Sleep to Dream
POV : Luke
The blonde turns away from his laptop abruptly, glares up at Noah standing not two feet away,
"Noah, you didn't have to come back here. But since you did, can we not play games?
I am really sick of games."
"Actually, that's why I wanted to come back and talk to you. I want to be straight--"
Noah shakes his head. Stupid. Bad choice of words.
"I can't believe I just said that."
"Well, it's the truth," Luke replies bitterly.
"The truth? The truth is that I kissed you."
His saying this does nothing to curb Luke's anger or heal his hurt.
His voice remains harsh as he answers, "I know. I was there."
Snow Patrol - Hands Open
POV : Both
"You know, not everyone can be blessed with parents as good as yours.
But my dad is trying.
He's trying to be a better dad, and I'm trying to be a better son."
"But gay men can be good sons--"
"Not to him! Why is this so hard for you to understand?"
Noah cuts Luke off, raising his voice, forcing Luke to stop.
He's is desperate for Luke to understand. For him to agree even.
"Look, I don't know what it's like growing up with your father.
And I'm sorry if I'm making this sound very easy because I know it's not.
Noah hates Luke right now. Or at least he wishes he could hate the shorter boy.
Why does he have to be so--so--rational? "I just don't want to hurt anyone."
"You won't." Luke swallows a scoff as he replies. This is useless.
"Not intentionally, at least."
"I can control it. I will control it."
His voice cracks with desperation. "I will. I will," he thinks.
After all, hadn't he controlled it his whole life?
Kelly Clarkson - Beautiful Disaster [Live & Acoustic]
POV : Luke
"Do you know how long it's taken for my dad to say that he's proud of me?
My whole life.
And for once, he's not telling me to become a man, he's saying I already am one."
"And you weren't before?" Luke interjects.
And though Noah shakes his head, moves away from him, the blonde continues,
"Look, Noah, this thing you're fighting, I understand. I fought it too."
"I know what I'm doing."
Noah tosses his words angrily over his shoulder at Luke who is now standing close behind him.
"Yeah, so do I. You're telling yourself over and over and over in your head that you can make this work."
Luke's voice is calm and even. Full of pity for the taller boy so clearly in denial.
"...Okay, you know what? Maybe you're right. I mean, how hard can it be to fake a life with somebody?
Sharing a bed and meals. Sex. You and Maddie on vacation with dear old dad.
"That's the life I want."
"For now. But you know what?
One day you're going to wake up and you're going to realize that the one thing you can't lie to yourself about anymore,
is that you've made this -- this life or this relationship or whatever you want to call it,
with somebody that you've never been in love with."
Goo Goo Dolls - Before it's Too Late
POV : Luke
"Well," Luke starts with another deep sigh,
"the good news is, soon we don't have to keep doing this to each other anymore."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, after this internship project is over, so are we."
"What?" Noah sidesteps, blocking the shorter man's way out.
The way out of the room, and the conversation.
The darker haired boy is thrown by the others' matter-of-fact tone.
"Wait that's crazy. Luke--"
"Look, Noah. After Kevin, I made a promise to myself.
The right guy or no guy at all, and I've got to stick by that."
"Well, we can't be friends?"
"Were we ever really friends?"
Luke says none of this to lash out at Noah as he had before.
He says it because it's the truth.
"How can you say--"
"How can I what?" Luke raises his voice, it's his turn to drown out the others' protesting.
When he speaks again his tone is more even, his voice firm. He has to do this.
Has to save himself from more heartache.
"Look, we have no classes together this semester. Do you think that's a coincidence?
Noah, you made a choice. You chose Maddie.
And I need to find someone who'll choose me."
Aimee Mann - The Moth
Luke & Noah's Theme
Tegan & Sara - Dark Come Soon
POV : Noah
Noah sits in the dark alone. It's all he has at this point. The dark.
He rubs his palms back and forth nervously. Stares at the dark gravel beneath the bench where he sits.
Thinks of Maddie. He hurt her and now she won't even look him in the eye.
Of Luke. How for the longest time he couldn't look the blonde in the eye.
Thinks of how much he wants to now.
James Morrison - You Give Me Something
"That is unacceptable." Noah's father is seething.
The Colonel repeats "unacceptable," enunciating the one word so that it is almost two.
Noah expected as much.
Without saying a word more to the Colonel,
Noah shuts the door in the man's face just as he begins a list of orders for his son.
You will go back to Maddie.
Beg for forgiveness.
Live a miserable existence under an overbearing and ever present eye.
Across the room, watching the exchange stood Luke.
He'd mentally cheered Noah on, glaring at Colonel Mayer over the darker haired boys shoulder.
His hatred for Noah's father burning on all cylinders.
Now he looked rather amazed at Noah, his mouth more than slightly agape.
"What did you just do?" he asks, unable to hide his surprise or suppress the question.
"I uh," Noah takes a few steps toward Luke while examining his shoes.
After a moment or two he looks up, his blue eyes meeting Luke's auburn,
a small, slightly terrified, but genuine smile across his face. He answers finally,
"I think I just chose you."**
13 Tracks & Album art
.Zip [55.3 MB]
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Quotes from ATWT with (dreadful) additions provided by me.
**(dreadful and) entirely from my brain.
I intended this fanmix to be finished and posted probably somewhere around a week ago,
but then my internets died, and that became rather hard.
For the album art, I used images that fit the storyline and mood of the song,
but not necessarily images from the actual scenes represented.
In general I prefer quotes from the fandom to explain the context of the songs used.
The last time I did this, a majority of the quotes actually came from an RP, so that meant the exposition came along in a lovely little package type deal.
This time around, all I had was quotes found on internet transcripts and it made everything feel rather hollow.
I filled in between the lines to make it feel more like a book and a little less like a script.
I hope I didn't fail gloriously at it.
currently located: Grand Canyon, Arizona
listening to: Jim Sturgess - Across the Universe Soundtrack - Something